A Terrible Encounter with ORLOK, the Vampire Bat from Deepest Hell
The second poem in the series by my alter ego, Count Orlok the wicked Vampyr*
O how the moon peeps out gaily from behind a pink cloud, Its light shining wanly on the grave of my fat neighbour, That ugly old fart, Bert Higgenbottom, follower of silly old Jesus, As my vampyr fangs glisten in the kinky moonlight.
Ding! Dong! The midnight bell tolls like the clappers And I rise fully erect to begin the horrid task Which I have been putting off for months: The ritual defilement of his mouldy corpse.
What a shock to discover his nightdress-clad body Lying next to his collection of Doris Day LPs; Thus I turn the putrid plump corpse over carefully Before sodomising it with my mighty circumcised dick.
Yucch! It's a grim job but someone's got to do it.
I could suffocate you with clever wordplay And say that i'd pay to lay with you for another day But i'm past the point of the paradox and price In that skirt that first night you looked so nice I couldn't imagine what i'd done to see that Your walk is like a bash to the skull with a baseball bat
So lay me down and cut me open Let you see inside while you still can Baby, lets just vibe in the moment Baby, you eliminate all my torment
You're just a blip on my screen now Double-tapping your pics and asking myself how How could things have just snowballed I just wish you would've picked up when i called Now my heart is filled up and tapped out But, my death, you won't know about
Supporters of the man Simply amaze me The question I should ask Are they bat shit crazy Now that we need him Where's John Cameron Swayze To comment on the behavior He frequently displays - see
He isn't normal By any stretch of the imagination To tolerate him Takes more than a modicum of patience As we watch him screw up Foreign relations Soon we'll all have to man Our battle stations
He accused his predecessor Of a felony Says he tapped his phones What the hell is he telling me? Without a Fisa Warrant How could that be Is this yet another instance Of we'll just have to wait and see?
Unfortunately this baby We'll have to abort Cos we certainly need to cut His tenure short Look at all the confusion He's already wrought How many times Must this lesson be taught?
Cedric McClester, Copyright (c) 2017. All rights reserved.
The Evil Vampire Bat COUNT ORLOK is Thwarted by Human Odours
Poem Number Three from Edna's alter ego, Count ORLOK
O how the lust for virgins' blood rages through my veins, My thirst for the wondrous elixir of human gore is all-engulfing! I rise at dusk from my noisome grave, drooling with anticipation And I soar upwards into the night sky like a bat out of Hell (which is what I am, so it's no fucking exaggeration is it? ). I go to search out new victims in a new place as my old haunts Are rather depleted following my ravages on their inhabitants, But the foul miasma emanating from Wolverhampton's suburbs Is enough to make me throw up last night's supper on my tuxedo, And it totally kills my fucking appetite stone fucking dead. With a shrieked *"The West Midlands Conurbation sucks big time! " I fly off in disgust, a steam of diarrheoa trailing after me, Like brown stardust.
As tragedies befall man It can be seen that virtue , Right and wrong, Has become a mainstream affair Whereas the mitress of the good Is the popularity that she possesses While by some unknown foreign standard Emotions such as grief or despair Have been replaced by the all too brief Cries of fair or unfair That by some societal norm We have become a people of characters Numbering one hundred and forty Different ways to paint ourselves Favorable in the light of our peers Who also choose to weave a facade Anonymous Either to illuminate or hide The true content of their souls Behind dishonest kindness Or blatant hatred Such that, morality as it existed Is now falling prey to the whims of distance And the false sense of safety Provided by the masks we construct To remove the burden of responsibility So that we can abdicate our virtue , Right and wrong, Just because we use symbols to signal Where we stand As we sit
