I'm not writing this for "brownie points", But i think i've been compensated Somehow - Yes, my father was abandoned by his Parents, and was raised by His grandparents, I managed to meet my paternal Grandfather, but my paternal grandmother? I actually don't know what she Looks like... last time i heard she was Living in silesia... But? i've had my share of compensation... Much more i guess of a fair share... I had, on that count: A maternal grandmother, and two Surrogate grandmothers... The surrogates? both jewish (my mother was a carer for these two Jewish ladies) - What were their names? Fuck, i can only remember their surnames A mrs. rockman & a mrs. roГџhandler... I remember coming back from primary School and eating tea at their houses... Nice old ladies: as all old & frail women Are... I received a complete collection of Bernard shaw upon graduating from school From mrs. rockman... Poor shit, died demented, and shitting herself In bed... she'd be more likely to tell You some obscure fact, than what time Of day it was, or what day or month or year It was... Dementia? i call that free-fall - The complete un-inhibition of what is otherwise Restricted free-will: i. e. minding some sort Of manners - theoretically speaking? Beautiful to imagine - in reality? terrible To watch. So yeah, w. w. II compensation - The germans only gave jews money, The poles? well: someone like my mother - Who was a carer to two old jewish women... Sometimes money has the same Compensation worth as handing the victim A piece of sharp iron and looking Into the eyes of the culprit... So yeah... not a bad deal to have made, Certainly not a faustian pact - Mrs. rockman & mrs. roГџhandler: The latter, if i remember correctly, Escaped via warsaw sewers, with diamonds Sown into her garments... I inherited some of my fucking books From mrs. rockman, given that i visited her more Than her grandchildren... And my surrogate grandfather's Monte cassino cross of honour... My maternal grandfather had honorary Had civic distinction, some soviet form of Meritocratic "diversion" - Crosses, sure, but the problem is, As he still reminds me whenever i see him: You walked out the house wearing them, Like little general, and the other kids took Them off you, now all i have are proofs that I earned them, paper proofs, where are my medals, You little fiend, you pawned then... Well oops, i didn't get any skittles or Marbles for them either.
There will be no service and no luncheon When you “now” becomes a “Then” Just a dignified cremation Awaits at your Journey's end. There will be no spoken eulogy By a priest who knew you not. No crying yapping relatives- For none had you begot. There are those of us Who'll shed a tear, To think the old Girl's passed. But there' s no need to wear a suit Or get the Limos gassed. You'll have passed on in your sleep Having felt the needles pinch. A far more humane fate I think Than dying by the inch. Brownie was a good dog And often gave me her paw. She always got excited When she saw me at the door. A better pet you couldn't get, Nor meet a gentler soul. I'll shed a quiet private tear When I put away her bowl.
She's got something in her pocket It belongs across her face She keeps it very close at hand But I fear it's been misplaced. Lately, I can't find it She's lost it since, it seems The smile of her Brownie days When she was young it gleamed. Little girl with butterfly pins Her pink dresses and toes Is now the older, different girl With deep dark nails and clothes. Little girl with changing mind Well, that may be true today But the little part is long and gone Now she's got more to say. She thinks about the world right now How it's all so sick and old She understand how people work Without having to be told. She tells you what she thinks right then And stresses all too much She misses how the old days were Even though she's young and such. She's lonely in a different way Where the people are still there She's sitting around her favorite ones This feeling is not rare. She had something in her pocket I hope she finds it soon I want to see her smile now I want her to feel new.
Restless hungry, found a tiny scrap of a brownie in the back of the refrigerator, wrapped in plastic about the size of a large 35 cent quarter. Gobbled up and gone.
Eye had purchased it a week ago, maybe more. Actually it was more like eye was held up at gunpoint by a sad young face for a large and green single dollar Bill. In return, was bequeathed said brownie eye dropper-ful.
The apartment I live in a big city, many apartments were recession empty for a long time. But in the last few years, the empty apartments in the building were almost all sold to foreigners. Now the bldg is an amulet melted of the lucky overseas fortunate, those overseers overseas seizers, who come to reside in the most fabulous site in these United States... and buy a piece of the dream away from the be-headers, secret police or governments that decide you are now an enemy of the state, as of this morning. No judgement.
Anyway, this doe eyed child of estimated six or eight years of age accosts me in our large lobby, proffers me the brownie scrap for a Bill.
Me a sucker of a salesman myself, and an eye affician-doe, well those doefuls, those eyes, no one could resist!
So eye asked her name, But all she could say in Anglais was...
"Brownie One Dollar? "
Laughing out loud for no apparent cause, The hanging about lobbyists looked at me staring... Why was eye laughing?
Laughing cause eye realized This elfin child had become Fitfully but fully Americanized.
And I loved her eyes in mine, and when I see her periodically, I say:
"Hey! Brownie One Dollar, How are ya! "
And everyone snicker smiles at the old man with the even stupider grin upon his eyes.
I was teetering on the precipice Of something. Edging towards the glimmer. Mashing tongues, You tore me limb from limb. I'm glazed with sweat. You baste me in honeydew.
In the bedroom we speak in vowels: OooOOHHhhooo UUUHhh. AAAAaaahhh The sounds of death, Long awaited for. I died like this every night and loved every minute of it, bruised down to my bones. I i i, want moremoremore. Give my teeth a whitening.
You are the eye of the storm The first leg into a pair of pants The bone with the best sense of humor.
You left me high, But not dry.
Accept this broken french as a gesture of my affinity: Je taime Tu me manques Je tadore mon lapin Bisou bisou
