Listen to me, in the time I've known you I've come to love everything about you. From your smile to your personality, from your attitude(that's a reference to your fighting spirit cause your still alive BTW) to your caringness. There's not a single thing I or someone else don't like about you. I bet someone is willing to spend all their money for you and you know what they wouldn't care because in their mind that's money well spent. Someone is willing to do anything and everything for you. Shit they'd kill myself if it meant letting you live. I've been through a lot in my life. I've lost quite a few friends to suicide and the one thing I've learned is that all they wanted was help. You have people who want to help. You have people who love and care about you, I'm one. Not only do we care we care deeply for and about you. I'm not giving you an ultimatum because I could never do that to someone I love. I just want you to think about how much it would hurt me and your friend and all the other people you've met and inspired. You did that? Now think how it would feel to you if your killed himself or herself. That doesn't feel to good, I know it doesn't because that's how I've feel many times. I may not know you as well as your best friend but I know you care about other people. This time though you need to care for yourself. Take a moment and just think about me and your friend and if it helps a third friend as well. You've done that? I bet you feel happy right? Now think of all the good times you've had with then. Lastly I want you to think of your life goal. How would you achieved that if your dead?
I started smoking Because it is the Closest thing i Have to you. How you used To always carry Cigarettes with you. The smell of smoke Followed you (traced you, held you, Touched you, loved you, Loved you, loved) Wherever you went. I grew to like it Even though I consciously knew That it was wilting Away at you. The consistency Pleased me (i was never One to like change) And when you left You took the Smoke with you And it was the First time I was truly burnt. I told myself That i would do Anything To have that smell back To be reminded Of all the good Memories Instead of the bad ones. So i started to smoke And now i can't stop.
I'm scared, my nerves are shot, This is the one chance, the last chance I've got. I know I have to do this right But I'm scared that by tonight I would've failed and be left to rot.
I'm scared, really I am, And I'm not sure i can, But i must go on and fight and win And then at the end begin Again and fight when I would've ran.
I have a pain so deep you'll never see I locked it away and hid the key. If I ever really could share it You wouldn't look at me the same I swear it. I've seen things I shouldn't have to see But the only one who ever knew was me. I faked a smile everyday For I couldn't stand for you to see me this way I buried my emotions deep inside my soul It's this hate I have that keeps me whole If I ever truly showed you what's inside I'd run away fast and quickly hide No matter where I go these feelings stay inside All I want to do is close my eyes It's like an eternal torture that never dies These voices that fill my head Telling me I'm way better off dead This pain of living hurts my heart Should I have ended it from the start? It's like when I get home I take off a mask Faking happiness is nearly an impossible task But some how I manage to get by Going through everyday about to cry One day maybe it'll be okay But of course that day is not today. How much blood can I shed Before I'm lying on the floor dead? Will this pain ever go away? Maybe tomorrow but not today.
