Poems about going

Janice was quite excited
When I saw her
By Bath Terrace
(we'd agreed

To meet there )
Gran said you can come
With us to see Quo Vadis
Janice said

Who's Quo vadis?
I asked
O Benny
She said

It's a film
It's about early Christianity
It's got Robert Taylor
And Deborah Kerr in it

Sounds good
I said
When is it and where?
Not sure but Gran said

She'll ask your mum
And well we'll actually go
Janice said
Good

I said
(her gran whom
She lived with
Was very protective

And strict)
So what shall
We do today?
I asked

Janice smiled and said
I told Gran we'd not
Go too far as she does
Worry although she

Doesn't worry as much
If I'm with you
What about
East Street Market?

I asked
Is it far?
She asked
Not far if

We get a bus
I said
She searched the pockets
Of her dress

I've only got 6d
She said
Is that enough?
Sure it is

I said
Ok
She said
So we walked

To the bus stop
And got a bus
That went to the market
And sat next

To each other
And I paid the conductor
And when we got there
We went down

The market street
Looking at the various stalls
And I showed her
The stall where I'd

Bought a fish tank
A few months before
What did you buy
A fish tank for?

She asked
To put a gold fish in
I won at the fairground
On the bomb site

In Meadow Row
I told her
Was it any good?
She asked

No it leaked
And the water came out
But my uncle mended it
With putty stuff

And the water
Stays in now
I said
And is the fish

Happy there?
She asked
No it disappeared
Down the sink

In the kitchen
When I was
Cleaning it out last week
O no poor gold fish

Where'd it go?
Janice asked
My mum said
It went to the River Thames

Then out to sea again
I said
O I see
She said smiling

That's was lucky
I smiled
Yes I guess it was
We walked around

The stalls then we went
To a small cafe
And bought lemonade
And two cakes

(I had money
Left over from
My pocket money)
And we sat and ate them

And a man said to Janice
I like your red beret
She was shy but said
O thank you

But I gave the man
My John Wayne stare
But he walked off
And didn't seem to care.

My mind is racing with
A million thoughts that
Are blurring together in
An incomprehensible way that
Confuses everyone, including me

My heart is beating fast and
I can hear it in my ears with
Its loud thumping that
Seems too uneven to
Even be a heartbeat

My hands are shaking and
I can't stop them, they
Tremble as if they
Were overcome with fear like
I am

My legs are numb as if
They were bathed in ice and
I can't walk or
Run from this terror that
Consumes me

Tears stream down my face so
Rapidly that I can not seem to
Catch up, it's like
There is and ocean draining inside me and
I don't know how to stop

My breath is ragged like
A cliffs deadly edge that
You would jump from to
Forget the misery that
A life can hold

As I put my head in
My hands I feel a wretched
Sob rack through my body with
A terrifying intensity that
Shows my true emotions
As I lay on
The cold ground, I
Can feel the confusion and
Depression settling into
Completely eat me alive

So I lay down with
My sad music playing as
I try to calm the terror that
Is bound to destroy me but
I just give up

I'm going to write me a love story
And its going to start with you
I'm going to write me a love story
Because you chased away the blues

Like the sun rising
I love waking up next to you
I'm going to write me a love story
And its going to start with you

Like the midday sun that makes you feel so warm
That's the way I feel when you are in my arms
I'm going to write me a love story
And it's going to start with you

Like the beautiful sunset
The last of the day is the best
You put my mind at ease and heart at rest
I'm going to write me a love story
And it's all because of you

I'm going to write me a love story
And its going to start with you
I'm going to write me a love story
Because you chased away the blues

I can't breathe.
I can't think.
Everything rushes through me in an instant.
"He's gone, "His mother sobbed to me.
I stared back at her with a stricken face.
My heart froze, then broke
Felt that I couldn't live anymore
Now who to love? Who to go to?
I don't think I'm home anymore.
I want to find my way back to you
And be by your side forever.
They say they know how it feels
But they don't know
His mother said, "It was a car accident
And he was bleeding to death. "
Suddenly I feel my heart
Bleeding out
As profusely as yours did
But in a different way
And the bleeding stops.
What's the point of being alive?
Why am I still alive?
I have no purpose, no joy, no love
You took all of it with you
I only have pain and depression
Which swallowed me up in an instant
And keeps me in a state, neither dead nor alive
But dying forever.
I decide to follow you
And try to find my way back home to you
For you are my only home where I belong
I pick up my gun, say goodbye
And fire.

Keep going.

That pain you feel?

That's fear melting off like wax from a candle.

That's weakness washing out of you pores like a monsoon.

That's the old you being shed away like dead skin.

It's the new you rising out of the old you into your better former self.

Keep going.

I stopped asking if you loved me

Then i stopped asking —
Who you were dreaming of
What you were thinking about
When you were coming back
Where you were going next
Why you were gone so long
How your day was

Not because i didn't care,
Not because it stopped hurting

But because i knew
I didn't want to know
The answer

I just wish I had someone to hold
But I'm going to bed alone again
Oh well, at least I have stuffed animals

Sometimes if i listen hard enough
I can hear the sound of my bones
Cracking under the weight of myself.
It feels too heavy to bring so much luggage
Around with me to airports
Always searching for a plane
To take me somewhere new.
I want to drop my bags and forget myself
I want oceans
I want to soak up waves and waves
Of salt.
I'm taking too many pills now
That i am forgetting that i'm a person
And not a drone, that my steps
Are conscious and that i can stop
When i want i can stop.
But i have to keep stepping
Because what else is there to do?
What else besides walking
What else because if i stop
If i fall down i will never get up
I swear i am an airplane and
I am flying up in high altitudes
And i'm losing oxygen but i can't come down
Because if i do i will crash and
Nobody will pick up my wreckage.
I will be amelia earhart
I will be a mystery
I will be lost forever.

*(a. m. c. )