What if who they expect, isn't me? 2. or better yet what if i try to be what they expect, 3. and lose track of who i am? 4. would you still love me if i wasn't me? 5. or better yet 6. would you love me even more? 7. if you answer yes to either of them, 8. forgive me for leaving, 9. but how can i stay 10. when the person you love isn't me anymore.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve is a dangerous game That only the lonely people play And i have found, when you smoke a pack of desire a day, You are constantly searching for a flame.
Onlookers examine all the fissures and clefts Left by yesteryear's guests The men who treated your heart like a map, Riddled it with tacks, Realized it lacked a place to live in, and left.
All the antiquated philanthropists who Searched for their languages in your pulse, Strands of hair in your bed, And you've begun to hold your breath To prove to them that only you Can make your heart skip a beat And you've begun to dry clean your sheets, Hanging them from the rafters Of your childhood bedroom. Pieces of the past here that lingered after, Their sweaters all hanging from your shoulders like a costume. And now you wring out the warm bodies Tucked in your every pleat and crease. Let the sun bleach away The pieces of people still surviving in me.
This knife! embedded in your head, They tell you it's called dread Twisting in your spine when you Lay awake at night in your bed, The skin cells sequestered in this Bodily shell swiftly dropping dead. And his knuckles are a bared pair of serrated edges Striking each nerve with care. You dream about him painting In hues of purple and red, And you find the strength to change, isn't it strange, How you can simply refuse to keep being misled.
Rewiring and reversing, you have one fucking life, And it's time to get on with things. Uproot hunger, accept experience as a lover, And not just another kiss Laced with arsenic, that Sick kind of hint about How thick your blood really is. He didn't know you were nitric Until you dissolved a linguistic string, And now he's realizing you may Have a couple of surprises to bring.
Your new hype track for the evening Is silence not seething They didn't know; arsenic can only Dilute a nitrous being So this time, my knees will not break Like the fickle figs from their stems, This time i will not play relationships with you like chess Will not let you stand by and laugh With that shit eating grin Only those who are afraid Need to lose to win And you are just the right degree of missing, Because i won't consider myself anyone's victim. So if you're going to watch bored and scornful on shore, Don't expect to meet me there When you see i'm finally swimming.
And today they brought my bones To the cellar door in his chest He swept away the rotting mess and Did not mistake even an instant of no For the plump petal of yes And i will rip the past from every pore, I abhor those kind of TV audiences, The ones that are obedient and well fed Coming back to dine each time, It's high fructose revenge The sinister scent of resisting the change Hangs there in the air The little lies you tell when insisting you care About anyone outside of yourself
I know it's probably cliche, but The stealth of wealth and health is the same. Deeper you get the more you pay The easier it is to blame everyone else every day For what you don't have when in fact, You're the one dictating your fate And finally everyone is noticing you've changed I've changed. and that's okay. And today he tells me, "there are people Who will love even your Imperfect blisters cracking like transistors, Because when you're looking electric Everyone is listening to this frequency within ya I don't know who could resist With those insides like tomato Only a hound could say no to your love. " And this is no longer a decision; There are places you belong and places you'll fit in Where you'll flourish and grow, And gain a thicker skin And it's time we both stopped Chalking up our mistakes to bad habit. So this time when i see the ticket I'll grab it With you i certainly don't know So i'm going to let it flow Because see i've been told Rivers reflect train windows And on mornings they glow Gilded and gold Subtle and slow A new feeling creeps in I decide to go.
leaving.
Author: Claire Waters
0
Date: 30/03/2020
¹ 1199718
Thoughts on Leaving a Pretty Girl
When leaving a pretty girl You must go in phases It will hurt too much If you rip away like a band aid
When leaving a pretty girl You must go carefully Because you don't know When her bare thighs will Beg your eyes For another glance Or One last lustful dance
When leaving a pretty girl You must go directly Before her eyes convince you Of one more long seductive stare
When leaving a pretty girl She must know you will return Or Her wet lips will long for Someone elses'
When leaving a pretty girl You must grab time-- Stop the marathon--watch her walk Slowly away, Hoping you don't ever have to leave her again.
The alarm going off, but only one hour of sleep, I kissed you on the forehead, the pain already feels deep. We drive to the airport, the talk is low, Trying to block out what is happening, knowing I must go. One last kiss from your lips, one last touch, The pain increasing in my heart, I love you so much. We let go of each other and I wish I could stay, I pretended to walk inside, but had to stop to wipe the tears away. I checked in, got my coffee just the way you said, I called you and we talked, your voice is the only thing in my head. We talked some more then I boarded the plane, As each minute went by away from you, I felt insane. Flying halfway around the world, my tears never stop, The realization of you in my life, my bubble felt like it would pop. Back in Iraq and my heart hurts all the time, But whenever I talk to you, everything seems to be just fine. I've never been through this before, will the pain ever be less? I can't function properly right now, I am a complete mess. Stuck in my CHU, I can't make myself leave, My chest feels like it will explode, my body just heaves. I want this to stop, I can't take much more, I feel as if the only thing that will help is to be away from this war. I'm at war with myself, an emotional strain, I hate that I lay this on you but its so much pain. I opened up to you one night, you told me you understand, I never knew what you went through, did I fail you as your man? You've been helping me through this, keeping me busy, I love that you do this, but that math made me dizzy. I feel so weak, the first time I have no control of this, My only hope is knowing you love me and I am missed. I've never been so reliant on someone before, I am scared, It took a lot to open up to you and I don't think it's fair, To put you through this, you are having pain too, I can never express how much this means to me, how much I appreciate you. Please bare with me as we go through this time, 124 days in this country, once I'm with you, i'll be fine.
You're leaving today and I'm sure gonna miss you. The sound of your laugh, and the way that I'd kiss you Goodnight. Farewell my friend, goodnight.
You never once said that I ever leave your mind. And yet I must doubt, if that's truth or you're just being Kind. I do hope that you are kind.
You're leaving soon and I'm sure gonna shed tears. Not quite certain but I think that this may be fear. Come back, my friend, is that clear?
leaving.
Author: Seeker
0
Date: 26/03/2020
¹ 1196765
Leaving The Carousel
You started to leave as the cold nose of Winter Bulldozed through Guy Fawks skies And Christmas silent nights.
Your nearness was a far plane Of slumped reflection, deliberation, Contemplation of your plight, so mine.
Suspicion stirred in morning tea And pre-work niceties. You watched me when I turned my back, Your head buried in the ‘Daily Mail', Too close to the print.
Denial hugged me a long while, dismissing The cosseted phone and obsessive hygiene.
Giggling-head days, home-fire Wednesdays, Pledges in sweat daze All rolling around On a distant carousel. I hoped you could see, But hope could not override Your turning tide.
Your eyes begged for the ‘talk', So you could bring it up Like rancid vomit.
Coward
You left in a yellow haze with the daffodils, And I hated you
I am forever fearful of saying goodbye to my youth. I am too old to be a child and too Young To be an adult. I lay in my cotton candy bed and look up at my star covered ceiling, I know I have to leave it behind, It is my Destiny to Abandon all I know and go out into the world on my Own. I am not ready, For the city is grey and lifeless and my home Is forever fruitful and moving. Most adolescents dream of leaving home, But, What they do not realize is once you leave you can never Truly Come back home once you have left. The world is your home now, It is your time to become a citizen of the world and let go of your Mother And Father's hands. I do not want to shop for dish detergent and worry about tomorrow's budget meeting. I want to be a child without worries or responsibilities. I want my soul to remain multicolored, Not turn muted and Grey. I want to be a mountain not a Skyscraper. I want to see flowers in a field, and not think about where the field Leads. Because to leave home means that I am real, I cannot hide behind the shield of my mother's hair; I am now hiding myself.
There is no going back, I am so young yet so grown at the same time, The sun will continue to shine in my small hometown, The stars will continue to glisten over the country fields. My parents will hold each other's hands and eventually I will barely cross their minds. We will talk on the phone 20 minutes once a week because Work Is keeping me busy, And I cannot make time for the souls who created me.
