Poems about uncle



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№ 1210424

Uncle Christmas

Uncle Christmas
Was mucking out
Happily mucking in
And wondering
What might have been
Had his twin not been sneakier
And the first to emerge
To claim the Father moniker.

Uncle found to his surprise
He was quite content to be
The deputy
And not have the pressure
At the top of the Christmas hierarchy.

Rather he was happier
Working with the reindeer,
Being grubbier, a little smellier,
Leaving his brother
To bear the mantle that was heavier.
However at each and every Christmas dinner
When the family all got together
Uncle still insisted with a jocular grin
That compared to his twin
He was far better looking
And definitely
Relatively
Slim.


christmas,  uncle.

Author: Steve Page
+0-
Date: 07/04/2020


№ 1206588

Another Letter From Uncle Bert

My uncle is in a twilight home
For the seriously demented
And he'll never be coming back
From the place he's in
Even if he could find the fucking way.

"Dear Edna" (my uncle wrote) "I am feeling low today
Mainly because of the diarrheoa
I have had for the past week
Although how you could get the runs
From eating pre-mashed milk pudding
Is a fucking mystery to yours truly
I blame the African chef
I don't think he washes his hands
After he drops a log or two.

"It has been so long since your Auntie Linda passed
Over to what may be a better place
Than here because it could hardly be
Worse what with the bedbugs
And the Asian nurse who keeps making me
Use a bedpan in public as a punishment
For wetting the bed.

"To be frank with you though,
Sometimes I can't remember
What I did yesterday or tomorrow either
But on other days everything is clear
And I think there is a Chinaman hiding
In my bedside cabinet and I am worried he might be
Some sort of homosexualist after my arsehole
Especially after my weekly bath
When it's relatively fresh.

"And, my dear niece (if that's who you are
I am not two hundred percent sure at the moment),
I don't think I got my breakfast today again
What a bloody surprise but at least
I won't have the runs again
It's because the Filipino nurses are eating it
My breakfast I mean not the other stuff.

"Your auntie my dear late wife was a truly gentle soul
And I am sure she is the only woman I have ever truly loved
The others were just a bit of spare how's-your-father
Even though she could be very trying at times
And I remember once she bit someone
From the social security services
When they tried to help her up
Off the kitchen floor after one of her attacks
She thought he was trying to cop a quick feel-up
Below the waistline on the sly. "

There's a rather nasty splodge on the paper
At this juncture, it looks like Uncle Bert
Coughed up a lump of something
Or other semi-terminal.

*"I've been thinking it over
About the nurse who stole my breakfast
And I might be mistaken.
I think it's quite possible she could be Romanian
Now that we are in the European Union
There's a lot of funny people about
And they're taking over everything
You can't get Wagon Wheels in the tuckshop any more
Only some beetroot flavoured biscuits.

"I am very worried one fine day I shall wake up
And not remember all the happy times
About my long years with my dear late wife
Whose name eludes me for the moment
But I am still worried about the carpet slipper
And breakfast thieves round here.

"I fancied a nice piece of boiled salmon for lunch today
But it will be fish fingers once more this Friday
Not that there's any catholics in here
And the staff are muslims in any case
And don't these people know fishes
Don't have fingers, but flippers and fins
Not that I'd eat a fin but that's another
Country in the European Union I think
Or it might be Frinton-on- Sea
Where I think I once got a bit
Of outdoor legover action.

"I wouldn't mind dying but I am scared to do it just yet
Because I think I have lost my faith in baby Jesus
In fact I can't remember who she is even
And I hope my Linda (I remembered her name now)
Will have gone to heaven in spite of biting
That health worker when he goosed her
The thought of going to heaven and she's not there
Would be fucking dreadful
As I fancy a bit of the other.

"I think I can hear someone in the next ward
Singing obscene songs in a wavering voice
With a la-la-la for the forgotten words
But remembering all the good bits
The bits they miss out of the Daily Mail.

"Where in God's name is my lunch
And who has got my slippers
How many times must I ask
And where is my bedpan when I need it?
Can you bring me one, Edna,
It would be nice to have a bedpan
All to myself as I hate sharing one
With Mr Ali as his son keeps sending him
Cold takeaway curries which means
His motions are very strong indeed
Love from your uncle Bert.
PS I will put you back in my will
If you come up with that bedpan. "


letter,  uncle.

Author: Edna Sweetlove
+0-
Date: 04/04/2020

№ 1194007

Uncle Semen

Under a clear blue sky
Uncle Semen
Grabbed a squirrel and
Impaled him squarely
On a pike

The squirrel
Didn't die at first

Instead he shook
And vibrated
As though electrified

But later
The white of his eyes
Dripped

Uncle Semen
Lay down on his back
Drunk
His head leaned
Over on one side
A yellow discharge
From inside his throat and ears
Spilled out in a puddle
Onto the floor

Some ants
And later a dog
Investigated
But found the taste
Not to their liking

Every morning now
When i wake
I think of my
Five month old grandson
Living in a world
Ruled by this "funny uncle"

And inside
I retch


uncle.

Author: SkinlessFrank
+0-
Date: 23/03/2020

№ 1180854

Nanna Flynn And Uncle Clarence

Black and white photograph
Lives lived
A whole lifetime ago ago
In a forgotten time forgotten life
Nanna Flynn and Uncle Clarence
Live on the wall photographed


uncle.

Author: nivek
+0-
Date: 11/03/2020


№ 1179237

Dear Old Uncle Daedalus

Our old uncle, Daedalus,
He'd grin when he spoke to us
His mouth was missing teeth
And so his wisdom flowed out free
He always smelled of cheap cigars
Alleyways and corner bars
He'd tell us he had seen the world
And this was his decree:

"Don't fly too high, you little shits.
You just might live to pay for it.
The Sun is always hot,
The ground gets harder every day. "

"But, Daedalus, " we would complain,
"You are old and we would fain
See the sights you saw before
We sleep beneath the clay. "

And dear old Uncle Daedalus
He'd laugh and spit and swear at us
"You fucking little cunts had better
Heed the tale I tell.
This life is one big fucking maze
With twists and turns and tricks to play.
The kings control the monsters,
Who make Earth a living Hell. "

We'd try to listen, try to thank
Him for the words, but his breath stank
And, anyway, we thought that he
Had prob'ly shit himself

But dear old Uncle Daedalus
Hung Death from lips that spoke to us
And damned if he weren't right
About the things he always said:
"Inventiveness works, by and by
With daring, you may taunt the sky
Like I did
But the fall is long--
My dreams and son are dead. "

He always smelled of cheap cigars
Alleyways and corner bars
"You fucking little cunts had better
Heed the tale I tell... "

"Don't fly too high, you little shits.
You just might live to pay for it.
The kings control the monsters,
Who make Earth a living Hell. "


dear,  uncle.

Author: Kyle Kulseth
+0-
Date: 10/03/2020

№ 1162450

Classic Uncle Gene ..

Gene was flat topped, honest and old school
Not one for shootin' the bull
He woke up everyday at four in the morning off to twist gas pipe for a living
Sometimes lame, but rugged and independent, he'd say your either making money or spending it*...


classic,  gene,  uncle.

Author: Randolph L Wilson
+0-
Date: 23/02/2020


№ 1159230

The Farmer (written for my late Uncle Arthur)

He is a farmer of these lands
You can tell from his calloused hands
He's worked many a plow
See the sweat on his brow
He spends his day out there in the field
Waiting to see what the earth will revile
Every day he gets up early to toil
He's happiest out in the soil
He loves the smell of fresh turned earth
Deep in his soul he knows of its worth
With a happy heart he'll sow his seeds
He knows all the people it feeds
So with a smile he'll go thru the day
Listening to what the wind has to say
He puts in all his hard labor
And prays God shows him favor


arthur,  farmer,  late,  uncle,  written.

Author: Pauline Russell
+0-
Date: 20/02/2020

№ 1156621

Uncle jeff ' s band

.





Oh YE.... YE tiny girl

... Tip toein thru the world

Yeah yeah

A tiny girl

< lookin a bit

Just like you >

Kinda a cute girl


I wouldn't mind traveling with her for a while

Just a see what she understood

: : : :


Oh she

Just a lovely growin girl

I knew her when

She was just a tiny girl

Comin into the world


.


band,  jeff,  uncle.

Author: jeffrey robin
+0-
Date: 18/02/2020

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